Tinder – …And The Ugly.

We’ve already looked at The Good and covered some of The Bad but this blog I’m going to be talking about the ugly side of Tinder. The ugly but very far from shocking side of Tinder. Most peoples reactions when they found out I was on Tinder were either just pure disgust because, well, it’s Tinder or they were simply shocked and appalled that I of all people would be going anywhere near Tinder – I think it’s meant as a compliment, ‘you’re a nice, normal person…what are you doing delving into the hell hole that is Tinder dating? Surely you can find dates elsewhere.

I guess this is why my initial intentions were to not take it too seriously, I genuinely didn’t even expect to meet a single nice person on there, let alone a few! Everyone’s heard stories about Tinder; an app full of disgusting, sexist, sex obsessed men and fake chat-bot girls that are seemingly just as obsessed with sex as they are. Unfortunately for them, these women are not real accounts and so, aside from the fraudulent flirters, real women (like myself) are the ones viewing their profiles, horrified. A few men have said to me that the women are ‘just as bad‘ and maybe that’s true but a lot of these stories are coming from guys that have been temporarily lured in by chat-bots that they’ve been too naive to realise were as such and potentially a few cam-girls looking for clients. Yes, I’m sure some girls have more provocative photographs on their profiles that others. I’m sure some girls use it purely for sexting and probably on the hunt for friends with benefits in the same way a large percentage of the men there are but I don’t see these profiles unfortunately, as a straight female I am only subjected to male accounts so I can’t pass judgement there but it does mean I’ve had plenty to comment on from my own perspective. I’m calling a lot of it out as bullshit as well, so many men have messaged me about the girls being so much worse, that they’ve heard from a friend of a friend that if you talk to a girl on Tinder they’ll be sending you nudes instantly, “flopping their tits out” when all they’ve said is hello…but you can’t even send photos over Tinder? So that’s quite clearly not true. After some research, I did read that their used to be a Snapshat-esque feature to it like two years ago so, maybe then, but definitely not now. If you’ve been reading this series from the start, you’ll know I’ve written several posts now about the good and bad sides of Tinder, as well as covering some general dating issues too! I wanted to take this final post to wrap up, conclude and kind of explain why women are so few and far between on this app.

It’s quite sad really, the odds for a nice, normal guy to find someone on Tinder are really stacked against them. I didn’t realise when I first got it how much matching with guys was going to get their hopes up and how much it might mean to them and affect their Tinder experience. For me (and most women on there) my inbox was full of matches, I could have been less fussy and filled it even more so and I wrongly assumed this was the same for men. Lot’s of men won’t get any matches for fairly long periods of time and then when they do, lot’s of them are women like me who maybe weren’t all that interested in the first place (I’m a dick, sorry!) and don’t plan on meeting for a date at all, or, in my case, I met someone pretty soon and so the rest were sat on the bench before being given a chance to play.

It really sucks but I do think (I hope not too controversially) that men are to blame here…and no, no, before you say it, not all men. (#notallmen) A select ‘type’ of guy is ruining Tinder for the average bloke, most of the women, and most peoples attitudes towards the app in general. Steering clear of these creeps and assholes is making women wary, followed by men trying too hard because we are so wary. I think some women are signing up just for a confidence boost (or sexting) because they know that, really, they’re going to be bombarded with that whether they like it or not, so why not control the situation yourself? It’s a shame but unfortunately Tinder isn’t the best place to actually meet someone and everyone knows that. I’m going to show you a quick overview on what a large percentage of Tinder accounts look like – I’m sure many women will wince in pain here in the same way I did and any nice blokes reading this, please pay attention and forgive us when we seem ‘hard to please‘ and like its ‘hard to catch out attention’…you are swimming in a sea of shit with a diamonds bopping about, which we later realise, nope, that’s also just dried up shit. There are very few actual diamonds in the Tinder ocean of turds and you are going to get dirty sifting through it. It’s going to stink and leave a foul taste in your mouth every time you start sifting and swiping but, you keep going because maybe you will find someone in there, that like you, has a lot more to them. Someone kind, open and honest.

eat.jpg
‘pop up’ for anyone wondering I think means ‘message me’, it’s what kids use when they talk about Facebook Messenger, but what a bio. SO many bios include nothing much more than ‘I’ll eat you out‘ or ‘I eat pussy‘ and I find it so weird…can you imagine if a woman had nothing more to say than ‘I’ll suck your dick‘? It’s like no one understands the point of a bio and even though the eye-roll is my favourite emoji, a bio talking about something you are definitely no good at anyway won’t entice many women your way.
aubergine.jpg
The aubergine AKA the penis emoji has seen a lot of use on Tinder, as I’m sure you can imagine. Sometimes it’s accompanied by lots of little squirts to make it extra off-putting. Most women would agree with me when I say the only judgement you can make from profiles like this is the assumption that they would be very disappointing when displaying their apparent skill set in real life. Left swipe.

I’m aware that most of these profiles are also supposed to be funny and inject my life with some much needed quality ‘banter’ but, trust me, women have to listen to enough of this shit throughout our day-to-day lives from a very young age…boys in school, to boys online to men shouting at you in the street or cornering you on a night out. We do not think it’s funny. It’s not flirty, sexy or enticing. It makes you look immature and gross as well as making it apparent you actually have nothing of worth to offer right now.

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All I felt at the end of this bio was disgusted that I’d read it and annoyed that I’d wasted precious seconds of my life just to end up in the thousandth eye roll of the day. There are so many routes to the eye roll and this is not one that I enjoyed. 

Aside from the ‘funny boys’ there’s the straight-up blunt and honest profiles.

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At least he’s honest? I do wonder if this works…
cheap
The use of the word ‘cheap’ makes me feel a bit sick, whatever he’s after, it makes my stomach turn…but hey, at least he’s 6″1 – that totally redeems the rest of the bio, RIGHT?!
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I…just…can’t even. 

After swiping through all these douchebag bios, I was greeted by my first Tinder dick pic. Some guy with no pictures of him throughout his entire profile, just close-up ab shots completed by a a cropped picture of his crotch with him gripping his erect penis through his jeans. I have to say, this horrified me to such an extent I had to screenshot and send it to a few pals because there is not way I am dealing with viewing that, unexpectedly and without asking, on my own. Fuck Tinder.

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I don’t think I’m even that against people using Tinder to find a ‘Friend With Benefits’ (although, I think what you’re after is a Fuck Buddy. Emphasis is on the first word of each phrase and I don’t see why anyone would want to be friends with this guy and he certainly doesn’t come across as looking for that) but I really don’t think I need to be subjected to pictures of your dick whilst you go about your journey. Gross, gross, a thousand times…gross.

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Finally, I came across a few profiles specifically looking to have an affair and it just made me feel so, so sad. This particular example aggressively super-liked me as well – another profile of body shots. So many people using Tinder, feeling like it’s their last ditch attempt at finding love (seriously, so many people my age already feel left on the shelf and that they’ll never find anyone, it’s crazy) only to be faced with so many disappointing profiles is totally demotivating – not to mention, really time consuming! For the week or two that I properly used Tinder, it took up SO much of my time. There are so many profiles to go through and a very limited amount of them met minimum requirements for being satisfactory, let alone outstanding. Most of it just feels like repeats of the profile bios I’ve posted here.

You can read more about some very similar nitwits in my previous blogs, What Makes Me Swipe Left On Tinder? and Why I Hate Your Tinder Profile.  But for now…

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I quit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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